simmi_babi's Journal

my first entry
well this is my first journal entry and im very sad! i dont know what is going on in my life right now...i dont know where i stand and wat i am here for!im been soo upset lately because our cafe is going so badly that we have to sell our house and our cafe and go live at my beach house, far away! it makes me sooo upset when i see my family hurting so much and knowing that i cant help them in anyway possible. not onli are my parents, brother and sisters upset and hurting but all my family. my nonna and nonno came over today and they started crying and my nonna told me that she feels soo bad because of whatz happening to us. they want my parents to sell their house so we dont have to sell our house and move away. they are going to miss us soo much and we are really goin to miss them! it hurt me so much when i saw them crying today but we have no choice we have to go away! i know we are all hurting but i think it hurtz my dad the most because i think that he thinks that itz his fault that all this is happening and i see him cry and it hurts so bad i just dont want to see him like that! i know that sometimes i say that he is so annoying and y does he alwayz have to pick on me and sometimes i get the feeling that my parents dont love me but i know he onli wants whatz best for me and thats y he is so overprotective of me and picks on me the most. he once told me that he worries about me the most about all my brothers and sisters and you know what i agree with what he is doing because he has raised us to be wonder, loving and caring kids!i know deep down inside that all he want is for me to be happy and succeed in life. that isnt only for me that is for my bro n sistaz aswell! i really dont want to move up to port but like my dad said atleast we have each otha...nothing else matters!! he says that if we dont sell and get out of debt 1 day we will find him dead!! 2 hear my dad say that it truely kills me! you dont know how much it hurts! i cry myself to sleep evrynight and i wish n pray that evrything will go well and be how they used to be! i mean money isnt evrything but u need it to survive!i truely love my family to death and i dont know what id do without them! i told my dad that i didnt want to go there and he said that im so selfish and that all i think about is myself n i gotta think about evryone else because if we dont go there then we r going to have nothing and we r going to be left out on the street! he explained it to me and im starting to understand it all but i still dont want to go!! i mean im gona have to leave all my wonderful friendz down here and go to a place where there is barely people to even see! itz pretty hard but i have to face reality and take it in a positive way and instead of putting pressure on my dad...try help!! i admit i am very hard to control and i dont mean to be like that all i want to do is make my parents proud of me and say yes thatz my daughter!! i feel like im lettin them down but i try my hardest and im gona keep on trying!!i just hope that wen we do go to port we can get back on top and the thing i want to see the most is for the happiness of my family and for us to all be proud!! i know im truely proud of my family (mostli my dad)because he got us where we r today and i no that there is nothing more important then your family!!i love them all to death!!

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